


know that i don't regret you

by lostinthefire



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universes, Dreams, Everyone Is Poly Because Avengers, F/F, F/M, Multi, Timeline What Timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-23 02:42:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9637337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostinthefire/pseuds/lostinthefire
Summary: She never said she didn't love.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [flipflop_diva](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flipflop_diva/gifts).



Natasha dreams.

She dreams of worlds and of places, of people she never was. She dreams of the life she could have lead and the people she could have lead it with.

She is infinite possibility wrapped up in the body of a woman, and her dreams tell her that over and over again. 

She could have been—

She could have been—

She could have been—

She never was—

She is—

She is awake.

Natasha blinks into the darkness, her heart racing, mind clouded with sleep. It only lasts a second. The ability to pull herself out of a dead sleep and come into the world clear-headed hasn’t failed her yet.

The rest of them are asleep — Steve, Sam, and Bucky, the three men she’s come to claim as hers. It’s a strange thing to find herself here: to find that she loves them, that she is happy here. She never saw this coming, though she might tell them otherwise. Never would she have bet that she’d find someone to be here with, comfortable and content, learning about who she is with them instead of on her own.

She smiles to herself, knowing things will be all right. Knowing she is happy here.

Natasha puts her head back down, lets her eyes shut and—

~

Natasha dreams.

She dreams of worlds and of places, of people she never was. She dreams of the life she could have lead and the people she could have lead it with.

She is infinite possibility wrapped up in the body of a woman, and her dreams tell her that over and over again. 

She could have been—

She could have been—

She could have been—

She never was—

She is—

She is so tired.

They’re running, she and Steve. They’re running, and they’re hiding, and everything feels strange and somehow familiar all at once. 

She can do this. She can do this _well_ , and she knows it. She can be what he needs her to be, she can be what will help him most. 

Steve is running half-blind, but she can be his eyes.

She tells him as much, whispers it to him in the dark. He might not take her up on it but she doesn’t care. She does what she wants, and this? This is what she wants right now.

When Steve’s hand grazes hers, when she kisses him, when they find themselves together in a bed, she knows she can do this — at least for a while. At least for as long as he needs her to.

His body overwhelms hers as he kisses her jaw, her ear, her lips.

She closes her eyes, sucks in a breath and—

~

Natasha dreams.

She dreams of worlds and of places, of people she never was. She dreams of the life she could have lead and the people she could have lead it with.

She is infinite possibility wrapped up in the body of a woman, and her dreams tell her that over and over again. 

She could have been—

She could have been—

She could have been—

She never was—

She is—

She is trying to remember how the hell she ended up in this bar, with this woman, flirting and laughing and having a good time.

Maria Hill is sharp as a knife, but even she needs to relax sometimes, and somehow, Natasha has gotten an invite to join her tonight. She’s still finding her footing with SHIELD, still learning what she’s doing there, but Hill seems to have a fondness for her — albeit one that she never lets influence how she treats her. At least, one that hadn’t, up until this point.

But this is different. Things are changing, as they keep drinking, and Hill — Maria — lets the alcohol get to her just a little and Natasha smiles the way she knows works magic, and they find themselves on the street, arm and arm.

They don’t kiss until they make it to Maria’s apartment. After that, everything is a mess of hands and mouths, teeth and the feeling of falling.

Natasha rides it out, letting the feeling overwhelm her as she closes her eyes and—

~

Natasha dreams.

She dreams of worlds and of places, of people she never was. She dreams of the life she could have lead and the people she could have lead it with.

She is infinite possibility wrapped up in the body of a woman, and her dreams tell her that over and over again. 

She could have been—

She could have been—

She could have been—

She never was—

She is—

She is tasting a cookie.

Laura hands her another, smiling as Natasha nods her approval. It’s eerily domestic, the two of them sitting in the kitchen, eating cookies and pointedly not talking about where Clint is and what he’s doing. Laura is worried enough, and Natasha is annoyed that she wasn’t allowed to join him; she’d argued, but they said that he had to do this one on his own.

It was bullshit, but she couldn’t do anything about it.

So she’s with Laura, distracting each other, eating ridiculous and somehow still delicious cookies.

She doesn’t expect to finds herself sharing a bed with Laura, but it feels natural. They both love Clint, they both care so deeply for him that it’s scary; and they enjoy each other. They’re friends, and when they’re tumbling into bed together, still worried about the man they care for, neither of them is surprised.

Laura kisses her goodnight and tells her sweet dreams before she turns on her side. It’s strangely domestic, when Natasha is anything but.

She quietly laughs to herself as she closes her eyes and—

~

Natasha dreams.

She dreams of worlds and of places, of people she never was. She dreams of the life she could have lead and the people she could have lead it with.

She is infinite possibility wrapped up in the body of a woman, and her dreams tell her that over and over again. 

She could have been—

She could have been—

She could have been—

She never was—

She is—

She is being kissed.

Bucky brushes his lips against hers, and Steve pulls her back against him, his lips meeting the back of her neck. She doesn’t feel trapped between them; once upon a time, she would have. Once upon a time, she’d never have let herself get here. 

Isn’t it funny, how things change.

She lets herself fall into Steve, pulling Bucky with her. The three of them laugh, they kiss, they touch and love and learn each other as freely as if it was their right.

Afterward, Natasha smiles, feeling Bucky curl around her and knowing Steve is wrapped around him. There’s still a strangeness to it but it’s a comfortable kind of oddness. It’s something she’d like to get used to.

She lets her eyes fall shut and—

~

Natasha dreams.

She dreams of worlds and of places, of people she never was. She dreams of the life she could have lead and the people she could have lead it with.

She is infinite possibility wrapped up in the body of a woman, and her dreams tell her that over and over again. 

She could have been—

She could have been—

She could have been—

It doesn’t matter.

It doesn’t matter what she could have been. It doesn’t matter what she dreams about.

They’re at the tower, all of them, sitting around the common area Tony has set up for just that purpose. He designed it to be as comfortable as possible, a place where they can all relax and be themselves.

Natasha thinks it’s sweet, how hard he tries.

Bruce is in the kitchenette in the back of the room, whipping up breakfast for dinner. Clint sits next to her, talking and gesturing and getting Steve and Thor to laugh with him. She’s laughing too, her eyes closed and her smile wide. 

It feels good to exist around the people she loves and feel their joy. It’s dizzying, heady and a little addictive, and she wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Natasha leans against Clint, grinning at the other two as they all settle down.

She lets her eyes open, looks around her, and wonders, just for a moment, if she’s dreaming.


End file.
